Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s here now, writing to you.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Be who you already are.

Why do some women alter their faces by so-called cosmetic surgeries (on their eyes, cheeks, lips, chin, jaw) that making them look like Donald Duck or puffy aliens, while for most men these unnatural facial changes are ridiculous or even disgusting?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

I was tired of fighting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Common sleep aid blocks brain inflammation and tau buildup in Alzheimer’s model - PsyPost

And the sadness?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It seems that I am cursed with bad luck. How do I break such a curse?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

UFC Atlanta predictions - MMA Fighting

I had run out of hope.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Archer Aviation Stock Tumbles: Here’s What This Investor Predicts Next - TipRanks

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Why was the rock band Kiss so successful?

You are like me, then.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Why The Simpsons stopped producing Maude Flanders episodes?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Why do certain religions consider menstruating women to be impure? Where did the concept of impurity stem from?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

What did your best friend do that ended your friendship?

The sadness was still there.

It’s still here.